November 15th, 2006


(no subject)

So the other day, me and Brian were shopping at Wal*Mart. It must have been like late at night because it was really empty. I, as usual, got stuck pushing the cart, which contained some random items and this pillow that Brian wanted- and it was the very last pillow. Remember that. It will be important later on in the story.

So anyway, we go to pick out some ice cream in the ice cream aisle, and not wanting it to get in the way, I leave the cart at the edge of the aisle. I had the words of Dane Cook in my mind... "You never leave your cart. God forbid somebody comes into the store and wants exactly that shit. And they're like, 'What? Jackpot! This is everything I wanted.'" ... but it was SO CLOSE to us that I thought ownership of the cart was rather obvious. As you have no doubt guessed, I was very, very wrong.

When we picked out our ice cream- which didn't even take that long, due to the tyranny of Brian- the cart was gone. Since we had both seen it there, barely a minute before, we were extremely confused, because let's face it, who actually takes someone's cart if they already have like 15 items in it?

When we found our cart, mere minutes later, it had an additional, oh I don't know, maybe FIVE HUNDRED items in it. Bewildered and angry, Brian and I convened in a nearby furniture aisle to discuss our options, since reclaiming the Cart of Five Hundred Items seemed a daunting task. We finally agreed just to cut our losses and take the pillow, since it was the only thing of which we couldn't get a new one, and let the cart thief have our other stuff, which was buried too deep for the eye to see. We needed to hurry, as Brian's hand was getting cold from holding the ice cream (it was Reese's Peanut Butter Cup ice cream, by the way).

Upon confronting the man, I naively assumed that he would be apologetic and meek after learning he had taken our items. Brian was doing his whole "being nice" thing, where he is all nice, and was like, "if it's not too much trouble can we at least have the pillow?" The cart thief was acting extremely resentful and put-upon, as though we were inconveniencing his thieving self. He was all, "it's buried under all that stuff, I would have to move everything else out of the way." Brian was still being all nice, so I was like, "Buddy, you took our cart." I thought I had him there, but no. "Well it was just sitting there." So I lifted up the tortilla chips on top of Brian's pillow, Brian took the pillow, and we left, once more bewildered and angry.

As it turns out, the pillow was mismarked and cost like twice as much as we thought, so Brian didn't even get it. It also turns out that the cart thief was a Wal*Mart employee, which of course made us even more bewildered... and angry. Also, we saw Man of the Year that night, which I didn't really like that much. Also, my friend Gaydos going to fill the Flushed Away standee (which is a balloon in the shape of a toilet) with helium and float it around the lobby later this week. Also, random strangers stop me in the street and ask me what movies are coming out soon.
  • Current Mood
    bewildered and angry